Chapter One

procrastinator. However, even if it was just for a short while, my apartment looked like it belonged to the person that I yearned deep inside to be. In the span of time between when I began to clean-up and when the last guests left, I saw that I really hadn’t lost my ability to make my place presentable. Instead, it seemed more that I had simply abdicated myself from that responsibility.

At the start of this section, I mentioned that, “Much to my own dismay, there were times, albeit rare ones, when no matter how difficult the task—I not only did it, but surprised myself at my ability to deal with unappealing tasks that I had put off for great lengths of time.”To be honest, perhaps I wasn’t quite as surprised as I was bothered. Bothered, because of the undeniable proof that I was actually capable of “do”-ing many of the tasks I had already convinced myself that I was utterly incapable of undertaking, let alone successfully completing. So, despite how much I might have told myself that a smaller task “didn’t count,” nevertheless, its successful completion counted a lot more than I gave it credit for.

Isn’t Procrastination a Fancy Name for Laziness?

As a procrastinator, there were a few occasions when practically all sense of my personal responsibility to myself seemed to fly out the window. I may have showered, shaved, and wore clean clothes, but that me was the one I presented to the world—the other me was a disaster. Not only was my apartment a mess, but my bills went unpaid until I received a second or third notice. Delaying the bills left me feeling overwhelmed, and during periods when my bills were left unpaid, nervous confusion and stomach pains plagued me. While I knew that I should be paying bills, I couldn’t bear dealing with them because just about every part of the process seemed to require too much effort. At the same time, the more I put off—the more I had to do.

Seeking understanding, comfort, and a bit of insight into my condition, I talked to trusted friends, neighbors, and with professionals in the mental health field. To my chagrin, every once in a while someone would ask, “David, are you sure that you’re not just being lazy? “All right, fair question—but my answer is a resounding “No.” Why? Let’s take a look at the following chart: