Chapter One
foreseeable future too. In other words, as long as I had my disposable utensils, I no longer had an immediate need to deal with the situation in my sink.
“After all,” I rationalized, “I paid good money for those items—so, I might as well make use of them.”And, there the clogged sink stood, its contents secure, while the mold continued to grow. A few days later a more distinct odor began wafting from the sink and it was only when the stench became overpowering that I finally gave in, cleaning the accumulated items, not with dishwashing liquid but with scouring powder—all the while wearing long rubber gloves.
Even Though “I Did It”—”It” Doesn’t Really Count
Much to my own dismay, there were times, albeit rare ones, when no matter how difficult the task—I not only did it, but surprised myself at my ability to deal with unappealing tasks that I had put off for great lengths of time. This often happened with regard to housecleaning.
The rule concerning these all-out clean-ups was that they were permitted when, and only when, they were due to external forces. Their cause was usually for one of the following reasons:
- Friends were coming over to visit.
- Relatives were coming over to visit.
- A girlfriend was coming over to visit, especially when it was a new girlfriend.
- The landlord was coming over to visit.
- The building’s super, plumber, a cable television installer, or some other type of handy person was coming over to do work in my apartment.
As far as I was concerned, doing a concerted “clean-up” under these circumstances just didn’t count, even if my place looked nicer for the effort. After all, the only reason I accomplished the task in the first place was because I worried, “If they see how I live, they’ll think, ‘He must be a nut,‘” or, “If the plumber tells my landlord what condition my apartment is in, he might try to have my lease revoked.”
Of course, once the special event passed, it was back to business as usual, with me playing the hapless, helpless, and, essentially, hopeless
