Chapter One

• I recorded countless television programs but never made time to watch them. Making matters worse, instead of writing down what I had videotaped, I merely kept a vague notion in my head of what had been recorded. As one videocassette filled up, yet another one was started. One by one, the tapes would build-up and in my twisted logic and rationalization, I would begin deluding myself that the videocassettes contained only second-rate programs because they could not have been worth watching if I hadn’t done so when the programs first aired. It never seemed to occur to me that to have a chance to watch those programs, what I really needed was to begin structuring my time—even if it was my leisure time.

In short, by avoiding my tasks, I expended more mental effort and energy than those tasks would have taken had I only dealt with them in the first place. Unfortunately for me, like many procrastinators, I was still on the decline and still had a long way to go. I was now putting off so many different types of tasks that my problem with procrastination not only grew unchecked, but I also began feeling overwhelmed by my emotions. As a result, my inability to deal with my tasks led to another inability shared by many sufferers of habitual procrastination: that of feeling unable to cope with the enormous despair that I felt over my situation.

Being Carried Along by the Tides of Circumstance

A habitual procrastinator’s life is akin to the voyage of a rudderless boat, afloat and underway, yet with the ability to steer and command a course. In much the same way, the procrastinator aimlessly negotiates the waters of life, forever allowing the tides of circumstance to have their way with him.

As an adult procrastinator, I often felt like a child lost in a sea of adults. Similar to when I was a five-year-old in Macy’s department store and strayed too far from my mother and felt bewildered by the seemingly mountainous range of countertops and endless shopping aisles: “Mommy! Mommy!” I cried out in fear of abandonment. Adult procrastinators act in a somewhat similar fashion, but instead of crying out, we cry inwards by internalizing our feelings of inadequacy and bewilderment through a continuous stream of negative self-talk and self-admonishment.

Like many procrastinators, I carried my negative feelings with me, day in and day out, almost as if I were carrying the proverbial “weight of the